Kid-Filled Day

My ears are still ringing. First it was a Saturday morning trip to the playground with my wife, our three-year-old, our one-month-old, my sister-in-law, her almost-two-year-old, my sister-in-law's best friends, and their ten-month-old.

Thank goodness I had a "Snugli". Those things come in handy. I strapped my one-month-old into the "Snugli", put it on, and she was happy as a bug in a rug...until it started raining.

Talk about pandemonium. But wait...there's more.

Then it was a trip to my cousin's house for HER daughter's 1st birthday party. This one had the potential to be dicey because she had hired a clown. My three-year-old has developed a clown phobia of sorts. If you get her near a clown, believe me, that is NOT a room you want to be in.

Luckily, this 'clown' was not really dressed up very much and it was a SHE, which I think helps.

As it turns out, my daughter got her face painted like a 'kitty cat'. She also got a "Dora the Explorer" temporary tattoo.

Almost makes missing nap-time worthwhile, don't you think?

'Wood' You Believe It?

I got wood! I got wood! Wait, let me rephrase that. What I mean to say is...after all that joking about our 5-year anniversary yesterday, my wife DID get me a tree...well, US, a tree.

She took me outside to the side of the house and there was a weeping Japanese cherry something-or-other that was about 5 years old (how appropriate).

Now 'we can watch it age throughout our many years in this house'.

Looks like I found a new place to hang my hammock! :-)

THAT Guy....plus....5 Years?

The baby recognizes me. She just turned one month old on Saturday and already she's starting to figure out who we are.

It must be tough to be that little and not have the ability to tell people what's bothering you.

Crappy diaper = "WAAAH!"
Hungry = "WAAAH!"
Tired = "WAAAH!"
Lonely = "WAAAH!"
Upset stomach = "WAAAH!"
Scared = "WAAAH!"

She used to look at us as though we were inanimate objects. NOW, though, she recognizes SuperDad's alter-ego.

Yesterday, she looked at me and the corner of her mouth turned up into half a smile as though she realized it was....

THAT guy!

"Hey, I know THAT guy! Let me think. Do I get milk from his boobs? No. Does he lick my face? No, that's the furry guy. Ooooooh, it's funny face guy! Watch this...here he goes. YES! That's it, it's funny face guy!"

That's about my only claim to fame at this point. My wife is the one waking up with her in the middle of the night. She's taken the time off from work and she's doing the feeding.

Really, this blog should be about SuperMOM because I don't know how she does it. She gets the kids ready for school, takes care of the baby, whisks one kid to soccer, the other to dance, and keepsng the baby from starving...all on about 5 hours of sleep.

Me, I don't even like having to wake up in the middle of the night to pee, let alone having to feed some screaming person.

So today, I've been married to SuperMom for five years. It's been five wonderful years. Where does the time go?

Do you know what the five year anniversary gift is? Wood. Seriously, it's wood. Who created this list?

"I know. How about for 10 years we make it aluminum foil! Have some Saran Wrap honey!"

Actually that could get you killed.

So it's wood. I guess mornings don't count. I'm thinking tree.

It's been five wonderful years, three kids down and none to go...but that's a story for NEXT time.

Happy Anniversary, Honey! 333

"Come and Get It!"

I stumbled across this at the local SuperFresh tonight. Now, maybe I'm a little nuts, but I think this would be hard sell.

We have enough trouble getting the kids to the dinner table. Is this what the "Cook's", crack marketing team came up with (no pun intended)? Sheesh!

...Until You Change Your Mind

My 3-year-old has taught me another crucial social skill. The other day, I was working on a project on the computer for one of my clients when she came over and asked...

"Daddy, do you want to play with me?"

I hesitated for a moment, because I really did want to, but said,

"Sweetie, I would love to but I have to finish this project for work. Maybe we can find some time to play today after dinner."

She mulled this answer over for a second or two and then said, with a completely straight face,

"OK, Daddy...well, I will just wait right here until you change your mind."

My wife looked at me and we spontaneously burst into laughter.

What if I could use this tactic in everyday life??
...cue dayream sequence music here...

AT WORK...

Me:
"So you see, boss, this is why my idea will work. What do you think?"

Boss:
"Well, perhaps we can look into that at a later date."

Me:
"OK, well, I will just wait right here in your office until you change your mind."

WITH CLIENTS...

Me:
"So, in looking at the figures, it seems to make sense for you to refinance your mortgage now and at this rate. What do you think?"

Client:
"Well, I'm just not sure. Maybe I'll talk it over with my spouse and get back to you in a few weeks."

Me:
"OK, well, I will just wait here on the line until you change your mind."

OUT WITH THE FAMILY...

Me:
"...and you forgot the fries AND the chicken tenders so I think you should give us our money back."

Order Taker:
"Well, we threw in a free cookie for the inconvenience. Have a nice day."

Me:
"OK, well, I will just wait right here until you change your mind."

As you can see, the possibilities are endless. Oh, and by the way, guess who ended up playing that day? :-)

P.S. - For everyone wondering about the baby...she's GREAT! She's only waking up 2 - 3 times per night and she's OFF the biliblanket! She's now a fully portable baby! Whew.

See? Sleeping's Not So Bad!

It looks like our new, little bundle of joy has finally figured it out! She's less than 2 weeks old and she's already ALMOST sleeping through the night.

The last few nights, in fact, she's only woken up once or twice. Looks like she's finally figured out that day time is for playing, and night time is for sleeping.

She's also managed to find her thumb to suck on which has to be some kind of record. As I write this, she is in her swing looking at me like, "Who is that big guy in front of that big, glowing thing?"

In other baby news, her bilirubin count was finally starting to DECREASE on Friday. My wife will take her back to the doctor today to see if we can unhook her from this blanket yet.

For all of last week and the weekend, she had to stay wrapped in a 'biliblanket' which plugs into the wall and emits this bright, blue light. She's been looking kind of like baby Superman on planet Krypton in the 70's film.

We are hoping that we can unhook her today so that my wife can finally get out of the house!

How long until the kids go back to school?? "It's the most...wonderful time......of the year!" I love Fall!

Home Sweet Home

Quick update to yesterday's post...as of this evening, mother and baby are finally back home! Our little girl will be wrapped in a 'bili blanket' for the next 4 or 5 days, but this sure beats the unit they had her in at the hospital.

All's well that ends well...let's just hope things continue to go smoothly.

She's Here...and She's Back!

Well, daughter number three decided to surprise us all and arrive a few days early.

My wife decided to leave work at lunchtime on Tuesday because she wasn't feeling very good. She told me to stay close to the phone. Sure enough, around 4pm she told me that I should leave the office and get home to pack up my things.

I broke about 14 major traffic laws and made it home from work in 10 minutes flat. We packed, went to the hospital, got my wife examined, and they told us 'this is not a drill'.

After about 7 hours of labor, it was time to start pushing. My wife pushed for about an hour when suddenly, out popped a head, facing straight up at me...as if to say, "WAAAZZZZAAAAPPPPP????"

This really took me by surprise. When my second daughter was born, she came out face down and it was quick! THIS little girl's head was face up, and she lingered there for a minute before the doc pulled her all the way out. That visual is going to stay with me for a long time.

She was born at 1:33am on Wednesday morning, weighing in at 6 pounds, 15 ounces.

On Thursday evening, we went home. There have been two times in my life when I drove like a little, old man. The first time was when we drove my second daughter home from the hospital three and a half years ago. The second time was Thursday evening (my 10-year-old is my step-daughter, don't forget).

Anyway, after almost two days at home, we took our new addition to the doctor today for a 'quick checkup'. They told us to pack up and head right back to the hospital.

It seems that her bilirubin count is way up and she has 'newborn jaundice'. We took her to the hospital and they now have her 'under the lights'.

She and my wife will probably be there until Monday or Tuesday so, while her arrival at home was short-lived, we will be looking forward even more to her quick & healthy return!

The Great Sniffix

It seems that my 10-year-old daughter doesn't want to be out-done by my 3-year-old (see previous post).

Last week my parents came over to babysit for a while. My 10-year-old decided she wanted to do one of her favorite things with them...play teacher!

As my parents sat down in their 'classroom seats', my 10-year-old said,

"Today, students, we will learn about the great sniffix."

"Sniffix?", my parents asked.

"Yes...sniffix.", my daughter replied.

"Sniffix??"

"Yes! Sniffix!"

"Um, excuse me...", my parents asked. "What exactly is a 'sniffix'?"

My daughter replied, "You know, it's that big thing in, like, Egypt, that kind of looks like a dog or something?"

I imagine that, at this point, a giant, cartoon image of a light bulb appeared over my parents' heads.

"OOOOH, do you mean....The Sphinx??", they asked.

"YES! The Sphinx!", my daughter replied. "Is THAT how you say that?!"

My parents were laughing so hard while relaying this story to me, it took 30 minutes just to get the above sequence of events out of them.

I can't say I blame 'em. Sniffix! Maybe we just stumbled upon the next big name in tissue products!

Toddlerisms

Last night my 3-year-old daughter got out of the bathtub, got into her pajamas and, in a very concerned state, said...

"DADDY! We forgot the air conditioner!"

"The what?", I replied.

"The air conditioner!", she repeated, really trying her best to clarify things.

"I don't know what you mean.", I said. "The air conditioning has been on all day."

"No, Daddy! The AIR conditioner...so my hair doesn't get all tangled up!"

"OH...the HAIR conditioner!", I exclaimed.

"Yes, the HAIR conditioner, Daddy!", she said triumphantly.

English. How did we ever learn such a confusing language? :-)

T minus 24 days to new baby and counting...

T Minus 30 Days and Counting

We have officially hit the home stretch (no pun intended). With an official due date of 8/30, we are now, at most, 30 days away from having another kid in the house.

The contractions have been coming pretty regularly for about a week now so I'll be surprised if we make it to 8/30. I'm glad we decided to have a third child so I could witness this amazing transformation one more time.

This baby is active, too. My wife's stomach now looks like a package of "Jiffy Pop" that's been sitting on the stove too long. POW! BANG! POP! BOOM! ROOOOOOLL! KABOOM!

Remember that old Pepto Bismol commercial where the guy is sitting miserably on the couch and there's a war going on inside his stomach? That's what it looks like.

It's also pretty cute watching my 3-year-old talk to my wife's belly.

"Helloooooo, little sister...it's me...your BIG sister!"

Our two daughters were each born in December so this is really the first time that my wife has been 9 months pregnant in the summertime. This is not fun...especially here in our little sauna of a town where the humidity is often worse than the heat.

I've decided that the only way I could possibly empathize is to strap a watermelon to my stomach for a month or so. After thinking through the logistics of this plan, however, I decided not to try it (darn!).

My wife has a checkup today so I'm anxiously awaiting to hear whether we're still going to go all the way to 40 weeks or not. We'll see.

She asked me the other day, "Do I look bigger than last time?"

This sent a cold shiver up my spine. There's really no right answer to this question.

"No" would indicate that it's time to start worrying if something is wrong with the baby.

"Yes"...well..."Yes" just doesn't feel like the right answer either. "Boy, I NEVER thought you could top last time! Was I wrong or what??"

I gave the only answer I could think of...

"You know, honey, I really don't remember."

Three Days of Chaos in the Sun

Another summer, another family vacation. We took a shorter trip than usual this year since my wife is pregnant. We stayed at a house that my parents had rented at the beach for the week.

This means that we crammed all of the chaos and craziness of an entire week into 3 short days at the beach with my parents and my younger brother. It had been years since we took a trip with my parents so it was fun to do so again and just enjoy spending time together. As for my brother, once we start hanging out, suddenly we're 10-years-old again, doing all that stuff that brothers do.

My family had fun too during our shortened, mini-vacation. Let's review, shall we?

DAY 1:

My wife, who is eight months pregnant, catches an upper respiratory infection. She's miserable. We just got back from the trip yesterday and she's already been to Patient First (6pm) and then the E.R. (3am) to fix everything that Patient First screwed up. Keep up the great work, Patient First.

DAY 2:

My 10-year-old daughter wipes out in the waves on her boogie-board. She hits so hard that she cracks the board in half and runs out of the water with blood gushing out of her nose. This prompts a Baywatch-like sprint from myself AND from the lifeguard on duty. We check her out. She's okay but done for the day. Dude, nice wave!

DAY 3:

We check out, pack the minivan (hey, it's my wife's), and make the 3-hour trip back home. We unpack and suddenly I realize that I left my PDA (basically my Blackberry, for those of you who are technologically challenged) on TOP of the minivan when we left the beach house. We suddenly recall hearing a THUMP when we pulled out onto the highway. At the time, I had calmly reassured my 10-year-old that the luggage was just settling in the back of the minivan. Oops.

I figured that my PDA was toast by now...either cracked open on the side of the road or run over. I considered calling my relatives who live at the beach to see if they could scour the highway before it got dark. Suddenly, my cell phone rang. Someone had seen it lying on the highway, stopped, opened it, and saw my phone number! It was in tact!

I don't know if you believe in small miracles but I do. This person is my new hero. She is supposed to call me back today to get my address. Hopefully, she follows through, but this story is already unbelievable.

I can't wait to do it all again next year with ANOTHER kid added to the mix! Surf's up!

Sales Lessons from My Kids

My daughters have only been in this world for a combined 13 short years and already they are teaching ME, more than I am teaching them. They are teaching me that persistence is the most effective way to get something done.

I'm actually thinking of hiring them. I am a mortgage lender in the 'real world'. I imagine that if one of my daughters was to make a sales call for me, this is what it would sound like:

[RING]

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mr. Jones, my daddy says you want to refinance your mortgage. How can I help you?"

"Well, I'm not quite ready to discuss this just yet. I need to talk to my wife first. Give me some time to discuss it with her."

"Okay. Bye."

[CLICK]

Five minutes later

[RING]

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mr. Jones. NOW are you ready to talk about your mortgage?"

"As I said, I need some time to talk it over with my wife. Thank you."

"Okay. Bye bye."

[CLICK]

Five minutes later

[RING]

"Yes?"

"Mr. Jones, I really, really want to talk about your mortgage wif you."

"No, not right now, young lady!"

"No, no, no, NOW you say 'YES'!"

"Excuse me?"

"Now you say, 'Yes, I DO want to talk about my mortgage'."

"Young lady, I need to speak to my wife first, BEFORE I discuss my mortgage with you."

"She said, 'YES!'"

"Excuse me, missy?"

"She said, 'YES, YES!'"

"Young lady, my wife is at work...and you don't even know where that is."

"I DO know where that is and she said 'YES'!"

"Not right now, young lady. Goodbye!"

[CLICK]

Five minutes later

[RING]

"This better not be who I think it is."

Talking off in the distance

"I really wish Mr. Jones would talk to me about his mortgage."

"Young lady?"

"Boy, I REALLY want Mr. Jones to talk about his mortgage wif me."

"Now listen, young lady, this is ridiculous! We are NOT talking about my mortgage right now!"

"PLEEEEEEEASE? I REEEEEALLY want to."

(sighs)
"Fine. Call back in an hour. My wife will be home then."

"Thirty minutes."

"WHAT???"

"I'll call back in thirty minutes."

"Now look here. I agreed to talk about my mortgage with you. Just call back in ONE HOUR."

"Twenty minutes."

"Young lady, you are NOT to call back here in twenty minutes, or you will be in BIG trouble. Don't make me come over there!"

"OK, fine, I'll call back in thirty minutes."

"Fine!"

"Fine. OK, thank you, Mr. Jones!"

Fathers Day Reflections

As another Fathers Day passes by, I wonder about the kinds of things my kids will remember about me. What memories will make them laugh, cry, snort milk out their nose, etc?

Will it be Daddy singing at chuch every Sunday? Will it be taking a minute to play 'tea party' before leaving for work, even though I'm already running late? Piggyback rides in the pool? Riding along on the back of my bicycle? Going to see WWE Smackdown live and in person? Going to the beach? The first time I called my 10-year-old on her new cell phone (ugh)?

This is an excellent time to recount some of the things that I have learned from MY father:

- Do what you say you're going to do.

There were many summer 'temp' jobs that I didn't like. There were many times that I didn't feel like going to Little League. Still, I kept going because I said I would and the team was counting on me. Come to think of it, I think I've only ever had two sick days in my life. Watch out, Cal!

- Never tease or make fun of someone for something that they can't help (or control).

This speaks for itself.

- Never 'ride the clutch'.

My dad taught me to drive on a manual transmission (stick-shift). This has proven to be an invaluable skill and many people just don't know how to do it. I never knew any other way for the first 5 years or so of my driving career.

When he was teaching me to drive a stick, he would notice whenever I didn't take my foot all the way off of the clutch. Dad would gently whack me on the arm repeatedly saying, "Get your foot off the clutch, get your foot off the clutch, get your foot off the clutch." As you may know, leaving your foot resting on the clutch is a pretty good way to wear it out more quickly...and they are not cheap.

Whenever I was out driving by myself, if I left my foot on the clutch I would subconsciously feel this whacking sensation on my arm and I would come right off of it.

I think I had my first car, a Jetta, for about 10 years. As I recall, it only ever needed one new clutch.

- "THE BALL"

Whenever I was in a particularly bad hitting slump (which seemed to be quite often...hey, there's a reason I'm a banker and not a ballplayer), my dad would take me out to the diamond and we would have hitting practice.

He would pitch and tell me to 'focus on THE BALL'. At that moment, when I was up at the plate, nothing else in the world mattered...just THE BALL. Not the pitcher, not my teammates, not the state of the global economy, just THE BALL. Don't take your eye off of it until your bat hits it. Just THE BALL.

A good lesson, not only for baseball but for life in general.

- "You don't have to KNOW what you're doing, you just have to ACT LIKE you know what you're doing."

In other words, be confident in yourself and people will follow you. I have started reading "The Little Engine That Could" to my daughters for this very reason. It's not just a children's book, it's a lesson about life.

Of course, you do have to have a little knowledge at some point but as the great Yogi Berra said, "Half the game is 90% mental."

- Police officers should always wear reflective gear at night.

On second thought, I think I'll leave this one alone...before I'm 'struck down'.

- It's not so much yourself that you have to worry about, it's the other maniacs out there.

True, not only when driving but in every aspect of life.

- How to change a flat tire.

This lesson came about when I first started driving and took a curve too fast in the rain. BOOM - right into the curb, blowing out the tire...and the axel, and the frame, and...well, you get the idea.

I had to call home and tell my mom who then had to call my dad at work...much to my dismay.

I knew I was in trouble when dad came flying up the wrong way on a one-way street, screeched to a stop, checked to make sure I was uninjured, then said,

"Nice work, son. Change the tire."

Whew. I think I had to go home and change my underwear. This would have been much less traumatic if my dad hadn't been in the car with me just the day before telling me that I was driving too fast in the rain. Dads...what do they know anyway?

- When to 'rescue' and when to 'give space'.

Junior prom. Nervous as hell. Got to the dance with my date. Had a great time. Went to leave. Realized I had locked the keys in the car.

Called dad. He drove down with the spare keys. The garage attendant took me (alone) to my car and told me that the car had drifted out to the middle of the garage. He had pushed it back into its space.

I was apparently so nervous when I got there, I left the keys in the ignition when I locked the doors AND I had left the parking brake off without realizing it.

Since it was now after midnight and I was going to be driving after the provisional license curfew of midnight, Dad followed us back to my girlfriend's house...but waited about a block or two away while I walked her to her front door.

- "Be smart, and if you're going to be dumb...be smart about it."

Fatherly advice as I began my Freshman year of college. It would be my first time living away from home, surrounded by plenty of distractions (college parties, girls, etc). Good advice.


Well, I could go on all day, but I am being summoned to the bathroom by my 3-year-old.

"Daaaaaddy, I neeeeed you. I had a poooopie."

I wonder if they will remember this part.

Keep Your Butt in School

I can only hope that my kids do not turn out like this...

Excerpts from Actual Resumes

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"OBJECTIVE: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."

"OBJECTIVE: Total obliteration of sales and federal income taxes and tax laws."

"OBJECTION: To use my skills in sales."

"Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts."

"I have a bachelorette degree in computers."

"EDUCATION: College, August 1880 - May 1984"

"Completed 11 years of high school."

"Finished eighth in my class of ten."

"Graduated in the top 66% of my class."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

"Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."

"Previous experience: Self-employed - a fiasco."

"Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

"Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."

"I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."

"English (fluent)"

"Typing speed: 756 words per minute."

"Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia'. I prefer to elaborate privately."

"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45am every morning. Could not work under those conditions."

"I procrastinate, especially when the task in unpleasant."

"My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend."

"Personal interests: Donating blood - 14 gallons so far!"

"REFERENCES: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

Cookouts, Lawn Mowers, & Birds, Oh My

Summer must be in the air. We spent the weekend going to cookouts and doing yard work. Yes, it just wouldn't be May without some form of dead animal on my plate. We had the usual cookout fare of burgers (cow) and hot dogs (don't ask). My 3-year-old, of course, loves hot dogs. We just try not to think about what's in them and just be glad that she's eating meat.

It reminds me of the old line from Meatballs..."The winner of today's mystery meat contest is...Jimmy, who guessed 'some type of meat'."

We also spent the weekend doing some yard work. My wife was nice enough to surprise me with a lawn service this year. My hours are so crazy that it's hard to know when I will be able to mow the lawn.

These guys will come every other week and mow the lawn. Of course, they will not mow it if the lawn is too long. I mean, hey, they're professionals so why should they mess with long grass, right? So yesterday, I went out and mowed the lawn so that my lawn service would come out and mow the lawn on Wednesday. This ranks right up there with my wife's practice of cleaning the house before the cleaning people come. At least the lawn service does the edging. Regardless, I think we'll be switching to a weekly service or find someone that will do it every 10 days.

We also set up a bird-feeder this year. Birds are really a lot of fun to watch. They will wrestle and fight over the seed, as if there wasn't a whole feeder full of it sitting right in front of them.

I see that I'm not alone in this hobby. Our 'cookout friends' also had feeders set up. It's interesting...when I was younger I would discuss things like rock groups, how much we partied the night before, etc. Now we're discussing what varieties of birds are in our back yards.

There are really only three big down-sides to having a bird feeder. First, my yard is full of squirrels. We bought this stuff called 'Squirrel Away' which is a spicy powder that you can add to the seed. This stuff makes Jalapeno look like cotton candy. The birds don't seem to mind it. Apparently, spices only affect mammals.

Second, the railings on my deck are covered with bird droppings. This is a really logical after-effect of the birds eating all that seed...one that I didn't foresee, however. Boy, it's fun wiping down the deck.

Third, it's a funny thing about bird seed. It's actual seed. I learned that hanging the bird feeder over mulch is a bad idea. The spill-over seed lands in the mulch and becomes a very resistant form of weed. I spent the weekend 'turning over' the garden since a bottle of RoundUp didn't even kill this stuff.

We also spread an organic weed killer over the seeds that hadn't sprouted yet. Apparaently, organic means "tastes like dog food" because our dog ate most of it as soon as he went outside. We realized this only after he vomited all over our living room. Fortunately, he's fine, which probably explains why the weeds were still there a few days later. I have since moved our bird feeder.

So, what would summertime be without burgers, yard work, and birds? A lot more relaxing, apparently.

See you next time.

P.S. - I was driving to work today and saw this bumper sticker...

"FOLLOW ME, CHICKENS. I'M FULL OF CORN."

If my brain explodes today, it's because I'm trying to figure this out. Help! Anyone???

Odds & Ends

A few poignant thoughts as I drift through the week...

- "Baby Names"

OK, we've got it down to two names. If we don't decide soon, I'm going to hang a dart board on the wall, put a name on each half, blindfold myself, and fire away.

- "How 'Bout Those O's?"

Are they really as good as they look right now? Once we get into our bullpen, we're money. Our upcoming series vs. the Red Sox should shed more light.

- "LOST"

It's back! I don't just mean the show is back. It's been back on for a while but the new episodes were worse than the third season of the original Star Trek...we're talking 'Spock's Brain'-bad. Now the shows are kick-butt! It's been one jaw-dropper after another.

- "Diet Coke Plus"

OK, come on. Really. Diet Coke with vitamins? Caffeine, Nutra-Sweet...hey, let's add some vitamins. What the heck is that? Now we have Diet Coke, Diet Coke with Splenda, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Coke Black (or "Blak"), C2, Diet Coke with Lime, Diet Coke with Lemon (or 'Pledge Coke' as we like to call it), Cherry Coke, Diet Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, and Diet Vanilla Coke. Did I miss any? At what point does Coke realize that it has over-saturated the market?

- "WWE"

We've got our tickets! I'm taking my 10-year-old in May to see THE UNDERTAKER! We can't wait.

Stay tuned for further bulletins as events warrant. Film at 11. Equal Housing Lender. Member FDIC. Equal Opportunity Employer. Do not point directly at eyes. Batteries Not Included. Some Assembly Required.

IT'S A.....

SPOILER ALERT....CAUTION....SPOILER ALERT....CAUTION

Some family members have stated that they do not want to know the gender of our baby. While it will be virtually impossible to make it through the next several months without finding out somehow, be forewarned...this blog is about the GENDER...scroll down......
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GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, this SuperDad will have 3 little 'daddy's girls'. Well, Marissa is not so little these days. Her 'other dad' is over 6 feet tall. Soon she will be looking down at me going,

"Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to ME?"

Anyway, Sophia was very happy with this news because she really wanted a "baby thithter." (not making fun...just extremely cute the way she says this)

During the sonogram, the baby even seemed to turn and 'look' at us. This was extremely cool, if not a little creepy. I half-expected that little alien-looking face to say, "Phone home...phone home!"

She also seemed to kind of wave at us...just like Sophia did when we had HER sonogram.

It was almost as if she was saying, "I know you're looking at me...what is this? Some kind of zoo? I don't even have any clothes on!"

So everyone is asking, "Are you disappointed?" Would I have liked for there to be a stem on the old apple? Am I worried about the family name?

Maybe, on some level, a little part of me wanted to raise a little boy. The more I play with Sophia, though, I realize that a little piece of me will always live on...whether the last name the same or not.

I'm going to have three little 'daddy's girls'...and I couldn't be happier.

Now it's time to decide on a NAME. I'm thinking maybe, Gertrude.

T-Minus 5 Months and Counting

The reality is starting to sink in now. There will be another living, breathing human being in our house by the time Fall rolls around. In just 3 or 4 weeks we will get to see whether God "put the stem on the apple".

Of course, we will just be happy to have a healthy baby but I can't help but wonder what's in there. I know that my 'little' brother is hoping for a boy to take off some of 'the heat', as he calls it.

For that matter, we were beginning to wonder how MANY kids were in there. The doctor reassured us that there is only one baby. We were getting worried, though. I guess once a woman is getting ready for her third baby, her body just says, "Look, we've all been through this before...get into position, everyone!" BOOM!

The late-night cravings are fun too. Tonight I ran down to the store and got a couple of "Shivers"...one with Oreo (for her) and one with m&m's (for me). I now feel like I need to run a few laps around the house. My arteries are begging for mercy.

We're only at 4 months and the snoring has already kicked in. Of course, I have absolutely no room to talk. I often could pass for a small motorboat in the middle of the night. I've tried the sprays, the humidifiers, the nasal strips (did anyone actually try to SLEEP with one of those on their nose before they started marketing them??). Doesn't matter...I still snore.

I come by it honestly, though. My father is the loudest snorer on the planet. When I was a kid, I would sneak out of my bedroom, close my parents' bedroom door, close my bedroom door (which was at the other end of the hall), put a pillow over my head, and I could STILL hear dad snoring. It was like in the old cartoons where the guy inhales and the curtains gets sucked into his mouth.

I remember one time when he fell asleep on the couch in the family room in front of the T.V. He snored so loudly that he jumped about a foot.

"What was THAT?", he said.

"Some guy just ran through the house with a chainsaw, Dad."

From my mother, I inherited an even better trait. I often seem to shout in my sleep for no apparent reason. Well, for no reason that's apparent to my wife. I could tell you exactly what I'm yelling at in my dream.

The other night, I snuggled up close to my wife in my sleep and let out a nice, romantic, "AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"

Trust me, you have never seen a pregnant woman jump like that. I sort of half woke myself up and we laughed for a good 10 minutes before we fell back asleep.

The poor kid in her belly probably wanted out right then and there. We're lucky that I haven't woken up the kids...although I do seem to yell out their names in my sleep. I guess they don't listen to me in my dreams either.

SuperDad Goes for Triple Play

It's been an exciting week. My wife and I are proud to announce that we're going for the 'hat trick'. Yes, we're having baby #3. My wife is now about 3 months along, meaning that we'll be expecting our bouncing-baby-something around August 30.

On Monday morning, we went and heard the heartbeat for the first time. We took our 3-year-old daughter with us who was pretty confused.

"It sounds like a train, Daddy."

"Daddy, am I going to be a big brother or a big sister?"

One of my friends was joking with me and asking me if I was ready to have to have more baby food spilled on me. This friend has no children.

I reminded him that I've already raised TWO kids. Over the past few years, I've been burped on, peed on, pooped on, puked on, coughed on, 'tooted' on, and sneezed on. A little spilled baby food? Please.

Bring on round three!