Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Keep Your Butt in School

I can only hope that my kids do not turn out like this...

Excerpts from Actual Resumes

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"OBJECTIVE: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."

"OBJECTIVE: Total obliteration of sales and federal income taxes and tax laws."

"OBJECTION: To use my skills in sales."

"Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts."

"I have a bachelorette degree in computers."

"EDUCATION: College, August 1880 - May 1984"

"Completed 11 years of high school."

"Finished eighth in my class of ten."

"Graduated in the top 66% of my class."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

"Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."

"Previous experience: Self-employed - a fiasco."

"Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

"Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."

"I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."

"English (fluent)"

"Typing speed: 756 words per minute."

"Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia'. I prefer to elaborate privately."

"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45am every morning. Could not work under those conditions."

"I procrastinate, especially when the task in unpleasant."

"My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend."

"Personal interests: Donating blood - 14 gallons so far!"

"REFERENCES: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

1 comment:

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