Thursday, September 28, 2006

Can You Smell What Dad is Cookin'?

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OK, the title of this post has nothing to do with me cooking. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I make a mean bowl of cereal and that's about it. Oh, and I can also toast waffles.

No, this post is about my new, favorite thing to do with my 9-year-old professional wrestling of course... What better role model is there for a preteen girl these days than a WWE wrestler? What's more entertaining than watching grown men beat the snot out of each other? Watching grown men PRETENDING to beat the snot out of each other!

"It's OK honey, he's just PRETENDING to hit him with that steel chair."

"It's OK, those are just blood capsules."

Of course, it's not what it used to be. In my day, we used to have The Rock ("Can you smeeeeell what The Rock is cookin'??"). We used to watch great wrestlers like Hulk Hogan, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, and Andre the Giant. We used to have great commentators like Vince McMahon and Gorilla Monsoon.

In my day, I went to see Saturday Night's Main Event (filmed on Friday night of course) with my parents down at The Baltimore Arena (yes, at one point, before Ed Hale decided everything in Baltimore looked better with his name on it, it used to JUST be called The Arena). In my day, I went to see Wrestlemania IV on closed-circuit T.V. at Towson University. The only thing better than watching grown men PRETEND to beat the snot out of each other is PAYING to go see grown men PRETENDING to beat the snot out of each other LIVE on T.V.

Nowadays, of course, we still have Hulk Hogan...a little older and still bald. We have Andre the Giant's son, the 500-pound Big Show. And for some reason which I cannot grasp, we have Vince McMahon, the pro wrestler. If this guy isn't on steroids then I don't know who is. Vinnie Mac looks about as creepy all pumped up as that John Basedow guy that does those fitness commercials.

In any case, Marissa enjoys having this bonding time with Dad. Actually, wresting's not so bad. It's just a soap opera for men. What are our other choices?

Jericho: A nuke hits a small town and people are fighting with each other...and having sex.

Gray's Anatomy: People come into a hospital bleeding...and people have sex.

Standoff: Two FBI agents negotiate with hostage-takers...and have sex.

Six Degrees: People's intricate lives cross paths for no apparent reason...and then they have sex.

LOST: People are stranded on an island and, so far, have figured out that
A) the fat guy has an eating disorder
B) the hatch really DOES lead somewhere
C) the "others" are "bad"
D) the "numbers" are "bad"
E) that hobbit guy from The Lord of the Rings is REALLY annoying
Oh, and F) people have sex.

At least in the world of pro wrestling, no one has sex...well, except for that Ultimate Warrior guy but that's why he's not around any more.

Warping young minds? Nah, just good, clean, FAKE fun. Well, I'm off to go try out my new John Cena ring tone..."You can't see me, my time is now!"

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