"That is One Big Pile of....."

Well, the lawns in this town should be pretty green this summer, if the level of fertilizer output from my kids this month is any indication.

While my wife was at work yesterday, there was a rare, brief lull in the action so I thought I would fill in a few frames of the Saturday crossword puzzle. I don't know what it's like where you live, but around here, the Saturday puzzle is pretty much reserved for nuclear physicists and people who have memorized all of the rivers and mountains in Russia. Why these crossword authors think anyone will remember the name of Samantha's cousin on "Bewitched" is beyond me. How about a "Family Guy" crossword? Now that I could finish.

Anyway, I sat down for a brief intermission when I noticed that our 8-month-old had that familiar bright red glow about her. I gave it a second, took a sniff, and sure enough, the Cracker Jacks box suddenly had a prize in it.

I gave her a few minutes to finish up (I mean really, who likes to get right up? You have to savor the moment a bit.), and took her upstairs for a fresh diaper. I don't know why, but when I changer her, she seems to look at me with this look that says, "Yeah, who's holding the poop NOW?"

So we get her all cleaned up. I came back downstairs to try and figure out what James I and Charles I had in common (my guess...they both have "I" in their names).

Just then, the 4-year-old calls my name from afar...

"Daaaaaaddy!"

"Yes?", I reply.

"I'm finished!", she says.

"Finished what?", I ask.

"Poooooooping!"

[sigh]

"Better take care of it.", I say optimistically.

"No, you better help this time.", she says.

[This can't be good] I'm thinking.

OK, I've now taken care of number two number two (that's NOT a typo). Finally. Now I need a five-letter word for a banana liquer drink frozen over ice.

Just then I look over and see that our 8-month-old has that familiar bright red glow about her.

Great, if I've got to be in the sequel to "Groundhog Day", why did the universe have to pick THIS particular 15-minute period for me to relive over and over again? Diapers are expensive. Enjoy it for a while, kiddo.

P.S. - My favorite line of the day...

"Daddy, guess what I just sneezed out of my mouth?"

Boy, I wonder if I can coax it out of her...

"What would that be, sweetie?", I replied.

"A banana!"

Is this a knock-knock joke?